Question: I have two children under the age of 10 years and they often ask questions about very complex issues. Recently, their questions about HIV and AIDS have become challenging to answer and I feel like I am not always sure of what to say or how I should approach the topic. I am aware however that they need to have some information. What do I do?

Answer: Talking to children about difficult things could often leave parents wondering whether they have handled the questions adequately and appropriately. HIV and AIDS are such complex issues to talk about because they present a challenge to all of us. Also when we start talking about HIV and AIDS we realize that we might also have to talk about relating issues such as sex and sexuality.

Your sense is absolutely spot-on that children need to have information regarding HIV and AIDS. Just as we would teach our children the rules of crossing the street in order to be safe and have a way of dealing with a potentially dangerous situation so we need to teach our children about other potentially risky situations. We are trying to raise children in an environment where violence is common, HIV infection is growing, drugs are widely spread and easily available, and high-risk sexual activity is the norm. This all means that if we are to address and talk about any of these issues, we need to firstly be encouraging open and effective communication. This would consist of both answering questions as well as listening carefully even when the topic(s) of discussion is not easy to deal with.

Why is it important for parents to communicate with their children about HIV and AIDS?

• Children need to be able to protect themselves
• They should be equipped to take control over their bodies
• To be able to cope with their feelings regarding some of the issues that the topic might raise
• They also need to be prepared for challenges that might face them as teenagers or later as young adults

When children ask you questions it is because they trust that you are able to give them some information. Sometimes they will also ask so as to confirm or verify other sources of information that might not necessarily be accurate! Either way, it provides a good opportunity to start communicating about difficult things.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

• Don't Panic! Your children will probably ask some things that you are not prepared for and that could make you feel awkward. Panic, which could result in no response or a dismissal of the question, will not help. Good information can help them stay safe and make wise decisions
  
  
• Encourage Talk - Be open to talking with your children about all sorts of things. Chat, share, laugh, communicate!
  
  
• Start Young - The earlier you begin, the easier it is. By the time your children are teenagers they will be prepared, and less likely to make unwise choices.
  
  
• Be Sensitive - Respect the stage and age that your children are at. Don't give more information than they want or need. (E.g. a 6-year-old and a 9-year-old will have different questions and concerns). If you are not sure ask for advice. Don't carry on talking when they have stopped listening.
  
  
• Start Conversations - Create an environment of trust and communication. Find ways to gently start talking about difficult things NOW!
  
  
• Talk Often - A once-in-a-lifetime sex talk will not give your children all the information they need. Repeat yourself. Make sure you have been understood. Children need to hear things over and over again to learn.
  
  
• Be Honest - If you do not know an answer, say so. If you do not feel good talking about sex, say so. But try and say it in a way that does not stop communication. Perhaps you could suggest that the child talks to a relative or health worker. Better still, offer to go together! Try and learn with your children.
  
  
• Make sure that YOU are equipped! You cannot always predict when a difficult topic is going to be raised. You do however need to be clued up on the facts regarding HIV/AIDS and you need to feel comfortable talking about difficult things.

Adapted from: Loud and Clear -tips on talking to your children about difficult things!

There are many sources that you could access to assist you. Some important contacts are:

ATICC, (021) 448 3812
Planned Parenthood of South Africa (PPASA), (021) 448 7312 and
Love Life, (011) 327 6863 or www.lovelife.org.za